Dec 31

2013 Farewell – Welcome 2014

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2013-14As I reflect upon the past year, I have a swell of emotions that come to the surface. I have laughed (a lot), cried tears of joy, and tears of sorrow and learned more about myself than I could ever imagine. I have realized that I am a lot stronger that I thought I was, mentally, physically and emotionally. I found an amazing job that I truly enjoy, and I am at  peace for the 1st time in a long time.

I have learned that I am a very trusting person – sometimes too much so. I believe in 2nd, 3rd and 4th chances for people, when others would most assuredly give up on someone. I believe in humanity and love. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am not afraid to love. Yes, you risk the chance of getting hurt and getting your heart broken (over and over)…but if you don’t open yourself up to love, you’ll never find it.

I have learned to live in the present and get over the past. If you live your life with anger, hurt and regret, that is what you will always be caught up in. I don’t have time for that or anyone who is set on living their life that way – life is too precious and way too short to live in the darkness. Look at what is in front of you – don’t miss out on something amazing because you are immersed in self-pity and anger. OPEN YOUR EYES – IT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!

For me, 2014 will be an opportunity to completely open myself up to all the possibilities that life has to offer – no regrets, ever. I am feeling so excited about the New Year and welcome 2014 with open arms, open eyes and an open heart. Thank you 2013 for the lessons in love and in life – I am a stronger person because of you, but I am not sorry to see you go. LOL.

Happy New Year!

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Nov 11

First Snowfall

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Snowflakes_SHThe first snowfall of the season has always been something very special to me. When I was a child it meant making angels in the snow and having snowball fights with my big brother. When it was time to go inside, my grandmother would have blankets and hot chocolate ready to warm us up. I remember hours by the fireplace and winters with more snow that you can imagine..

As I got older and busier with life, I just looked at winter as bothersome and quite an irritant when taking the CTA to work or trying to deal with city traffic. Over the years, I lost the love of winter and the magic that goes along with it. I found myself disconnected from a lot of things that I had let slip away – slowly quite unnoticed. It took many years for me to find happiness again and to gain the ability to let down my walls and to let life back in, and when I did, I began to rediscover the things I loved.

The first snowfall of every season should be shared with someone you love with a passionate kiss under the falling snowflakes to celebrate the beauty. I have not had that for a long time, but there will always be another first snowfall next year. So, here’s hoping to 2014.

 

 

 

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Oct 22

Decisions

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quote-never-make-permanent-decisions-on-temporary-feelingsAs we move through our existence, decisions need to be made throughout the entire journey. Decisions about everyday things are commonplace and must be made on a daily basis. Other decisions we make could possibly lend to shaping the futures of ourselves and others in our lives. And then there are those decisions or choices we make that change everything…forever. Those decisions are permanent, so think with you head and NOT with your heart. Just sayin’.

I have never been one to sit idly while life passes me by – I just can’t, it’s not in my nature. If you don’t want to enjoy the ride called life, then I may not be your favorite person. I will never be content to rely on where I am at this particular moment, I want it to grow and flourish and bloom and I don’t see the problem with that.

Maybe I wear “Rose-Colored Glasses” or maybe I am the eternal optimist…I really don’t know, or care. What I do know is that I look forward to the first snowfall every year – for very personal reasons. I love to go the The Fudge Pot and get Caramel at midnight. I cry when I watch Steel Magnolias and if I see a hopscotch board drawn in chalk on the sidewalk, I dare you to try to keep me off it!

Some people may say that I don’t know what I want or that I am too picky or whatever. I will never settle for anything less that my heart’s deepest desire, when I find it I will know it, no matter how long the search lasts. And when that time comes, I will have to make some decisions and I hope that I get to make them with someone. Until then, I will make my own decisions and choose my own path, no matter what the outcome.

The universe has been kind to me and given me guidance throughout my life and I have no reason to feel that will change anytime soon. So here’s to good (and bad) decisions.

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Oct 20

Dreams

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dreamFor as long as I can remember, I have had very vivid dreams at night. I can remember them most of the time, especially if I have the opportunity to talk about them with someone upon waking. During the last two weeks, my dreams have crossed into a line of reality-confusion, kinda not knowing what’s real and what’s not. Sometimes these types of dreams can be very pleasurable and at other times highly disturbing. Some of my dreams send a very clear message, which tell me I am on the right path and others just scare the crap out of me with a big flashing “DANGER” sign.

Right at this moment, I am still shaking because of a not so pleasant dream, yeah I guess you could say it was a nightmare that took over my sleep around 4am – which caused me to wake up in full panic mode. It felt so real and I was still thinking it was happening when I woke up. I haven’t been this frightened in a long time, and I felt like I had ZERO control over my own situation. Maybe this all ties in together with a situation I have been involved with for a couple of years that is now threatening my chance for real happiness in the future. I know that (if anything does come of the threats) the person or people involved are only ultimately hurting themselves. I feel very betrayed and taken advantage of, but it is my own fault that I let this situation continue for so very long. I am deeply hurt and saddened, but it is what it is.

On a lighter note – some of my other dreams have made me feel very safe and protected. I had the same dream twice in one week…I hate spiders, really can’t stand them, and my dream had very menacing spiders which were promptly destroyed by the person in my dream. I felt so safe – like I haven’t felt in years, which was a great feeling.

I do love the fact that I dream vividly and remember – but right now, I wish I could forget the last 12 hours.

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